COMMON SENSE FOR DATING

COMMON SENSE FOR DATING

1. Maximize your singleness for God.
Accept that you're in a season of life
that affords some freedoms and
benefits you will not have if and when
you marry. It is a good season to
finish your education, increase your
theological knowledge, travel to serve
in missions, give time to your church,
work long hours to establish your
career, and pay off any debt you may
have accrued. In short, invest your
single years in a way that they later
pay a great return. Do not waste them.


2. Do not pursue a serious relationship
until you are ready to marry. There
are many reasons why people should,
for a season, devote their energies to
something other than finding a spouse.
Getting biblical counseling to
overcome a habitual sin such as
pornography or substance abuse,
maturing as a Christian if they are a
new or immature convert, or simply
moving out of their parents’ home and
taking on adult responsibilities are all
good reasons to delay a serious
relationship until a better season of
life. Basically, until people are mature
enough to marry, they should not be in
a serious relationship but
should use their energies to mature.


3. Be reasonable. Do not set your
expectations too high or too low. If
you set your expectations too low,
you may marry and be miserable,
having made the biggest mistake of
your life. If you set your expectations
too high, you may never marry, or you
may marry the person you think you
want but who may not be the one God
would consider best for you. I
discourage Christian singles from
having too long a list of what they are
looking for in a spouse. The truth is
that most of these lists are simply
idolatrous because they are
comprised of the seekers’ resume and
what they like and do, as if the goal of
marriage is to find someone just like
them rather than someone different
from them so that together they can
learn to love and serve one another.
Few men are looking for a widowed,
broke, and homeless girl from a family
noted for incest who is a recent
convert with a bitter mother-in-law .


4. Do not be legalistic about dating.
There is a difference between a date
and dating. A date can be two people
spending time together, going out for a
meal or coffee after church to get to
know one another in a non-sexual
manner. Dating as is practiced by
non-Christians is not acceptable for
Christians. Still, the word dating is not
worth quibbling over, as Paul tells us
not to quarrel over words. Whether we
call it “a date” or something else, time
together does not need to be
considered a dating relationship. In 1
Timothy 5:1–2, Paul tells Christian
single men to treat Christian single
women like sisters. Thus, since adult
brothers and sisters talk to one
another, enjoy one another’s
company, and occasionally enjoy a
meal together, it is not a sin for two
single Christians to enjoy time
together, getting to know one another,
so that they can see if there is the
possibility of a more serious
relationship that leads to courtship and
marriage.


5. Do not have any relationship
with someone who is a non-Christian.
The reasons here are almost limitless.
Since you cannot marry a non-
Christian, getting emotionally involved
is pointless and only leads to sin and/
or heartache. Since Jesus is at the
center of your life, a non-Christian will
not even understand who you are.
Because you submit to Scripture and
unbelievers do not, your relationship
with one has no court of arbitration in
which to resolve your differences. An
unbeliever is not in covenant with
Jesus, so he or she has no covenental
framework for any relationship with
you. If he or she is not a Christian,
you have no means of dealing with sin
that will come between the two of you,
because you do not both believe in the
gospel of Jesus’ death for sin. Indeed,
you can have non-romantic
evangelistic relationships with non-
Christians, but if the parties involved
are single, the odds of attraction are
high, and it is usually best to introduce
the non-Christians to your Christian
friends of the opposite gender so that
an evangelistic relationship can form.


You can also read 11 ways to rekindle love in marriage


6. You should be in a relationship with only one person at a time. Ultimately, the goal of a Christian
not called to singleness is not to have
a boyfriend or girlfriend but to have a
spouse. It is cruel to date multiple
people at one time, having them
compete for your affections. Furthermore, it is better preparation for adultery than it is for covenant marriage.


7. He should initiate and she should
respond. Because the Bible repeatedly
states that the husband is to be the
loving and leading head of the family,
any romantic relationship should begin
with the man taking initiative to kindly
and respectfully request an
opportunity to get to know the woman
better. Too many Christian men are
too timid and need to have more
courage to risk rejection in their
pursuit of a wife. Any woman who is
not interested in, say, a group outing
or a cup of coffee need simply say no,
and the man should respect that
answer.


8. You need to look at who God puts in
front of you. Too many singles are
looking over people in their church
and life who do love God in pursuit of a
mythical person, who does not exist.
Yet, in God’s providence, good
potential spouses are right in front of
them. Furthermore, while a woman
should not chase a man, she can
wisely put herself in front of him. This
is precisely what happened in the
story of Ruth and Boaz. Although God
providentially put Ruth at work
gleaning for food in the field of Boaz,
Boaz did not consider her a potential
wife until Ruth took the counsel of the
older woman Naomi and got dressed
up and went to the same big party as
Boaz, where she did not chase him
but did get in his way. The result? One
of the greatest love stories in the
Bible.

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